Today i had something of an AHA moment today.
Figured out that i was manifesting all the things i fear most.
From the past i know that intense self consciousness ( ego - consciousness to be exact) is one of the most miserable and paralyzing states a human being can be in.
And i figured out that currently i am living primarily in my ego anyway, despite trying not to do so.
Egoism is my memories / prejudices / opinions / desires / frustrations / achievements etc etc.
At best i had managed to suppress the ego phenomenon, and as such this carries no moral value it seems.
With the suppression, i am managing to do nothin and making myself pretty miserable anyways.
Won't suppress, will be open and fully understand what is happening.
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