Republish

This blog is failing to republish after i deleted a post. So i'll try and put this dummy just for te sake of republishing it.

The Worst

This is the worst, absolute worst i've felt in the last 3 years. Its the absolute worst possible.
Total Entropy is what i am right now.

A contradiction of desires, callousness and idiocy is what i am right now.

I don't know the way out. I don't have the answers.

Can anyone help. i have nothing left inside me, i am hollow.

Is rejecting non sense enough

I was posed the question today as a part of the event Mr. and Miss Intellect - "Would you mind if your wife earned than you?"
The answer i gave was that such ideas are socially prevalent notions which were just pure non sense and i do not subscribe to them.

What i missed in my opinion was the most important thing. And that was the role love would play in this. The love should be strong enough that such trivia never arises. and such love would require a whole lot more than just emotinal attachment. it clearly needs the melting of the self.

the same holds for most ideas that are propagated in society. the complete answer is not critical intellection alone. critical intellection would lead to complete isolation from the way society functions and the values it defines. we have to go one step further. reject the non sense(e.g. the attitude that one should be more socially important than ones wife) and live the greatest positive feeling(love).

Some stuff to feel good about

Well,

taking a tip from Vipul i decided to make notes of some good stuff that i manage to do during the course of the day.

Today, the best things i could say i did were:

1. Managed the material required from my side and managed all things i was required to do in my position as the software secy.
2. Managed to retain my focus and win all TT games against equally good oponents.

nothing major but it helps to build confidence

This is It

Well, i get the 'this is it' feeling.

The conversation with Vipul brought up a need to examine my giuding principles and motives in full earnest. and also a need to examine what i need to change and what to keep.

My actions seem to indicate that i am working for a life of least discomfort more than anything else.
It is fair to say that i am dissatisfied with certain aspects of my current life.

Things i'd like to retain from my Current Ethic:

1. 0 Psychological Dependence on Others.
2. The ability to discriminate between things that matter and socially conditioned realities, i.e. the ability to see what is important than what society deems to be correct or desirable.
3. The emotional stability i currently enjoy, i.e. my emotional state is independent of what happens outside of me and mostly a function of what i do.
4. The ability to examine my own motives. Indeed, that is something i am able to do right now.
5. The no comparison approach. That i have managed to mostly shelve the competitive and comparitive thinking which are de facto in the world today.

Things i want in my life

1. Steadiness in pursuing an objective. Things which i know are correct and should be done. In the past i've tended to not even complete things i felt passionate about at points in time. I find that this is an important dimension i need to add to myself.
2. Fearlessness - I find that i need greater fearlessness and confidence in myself while doing the right things. Wish to totally end the 'chicken out' phenomenon.
3. Love - This is a missing point. This shall be required. The feeling of unity with someone that i haven't felt at all for a long time.
4. Greater Comprehension - I have shied away from the details of life uptil now. I wish to have greater, wider and more accurate comprehension of what happens around me. Explore various viewpoints and worldviews.