Conscious Identification and the Spiritual Life

This is one concept i use a lot in my cogitations and i'll explain it today

The condition of conscious identifiaction is when we identify with an idea , a sensation, a desire sufficiently to make it self evident.

In its more gross form, this exhibits as craving, as in the craving of a child for a chocolate. He wants it and theres nothing on earth that can prove this false to him. I know from subjective experience how craving feels.

In adults it has many manisfestation. An adult's honour is a pretty self evident thing for him, he needs no proof for it.

So there are many ways in which we identify. For the majority of us, our desires, our fears, our social identity are all selfevident. Therefore, there are things we dearly want and things we'd want to avoid at any cost.

These identifications may change too. Someone desires a particular outcome at one point and may desire the opposite at another.

The spiritual life aims at giving us charge of these identifications. The classical buddhist and advaitist traditions aim at breaking all identities that we preserve and wish to preserve.

It is an open question for me to determine the desirability of identification and to see if some identities are more desirable than others.


what this is

what i feel is strange,
i feel ignorant and in the dark.

bound to the gross i am,
cannot think beyond this body.

bound by chains,
which run me over.

i don't see freedom,
the end of all this circus.

i try to be good and correct,
succeed a bit at that do i.

i try to see what can be seen,
understand what can be understood.

yet i see no rest,
yet i see no truth.

i surrender to this state,
i do not know what this is.


The Way Ahead

My conversations and thought process has been greared totally towards the way ahead and there are a lot of ideas i have generated

I have realized that there is a need to just keep pushing the bar higher for myself,

in terms of

1. The efforts i can make in a professional capacity
2. My understanding of the world and my ability to cope with daily life.
3. The kind of care and understanding i can give to the people around me.
4. Spiritual understanding and the quality and quantity of abstract contemplation i do.
5. The quality of peace i experience ( i think i can largely determine it), which is largely a function of mindfulness.

I have realized that the abstract and the concrete need to be attended to equally.
I shall explore these different themes in my following posts.


Is this the way i am constructed

In a lighter vien and a serious one as well,

i am thinking that theres is one thing i can do really well.
and that is to not do what can be done without!!
i can safely ignore negative thoughts, i can not identify with things, i can resist negative emotions, i can avoid saying falsities and harsh words. i know what false logic is. i know how not to approach work and life. i know what doesn't work.

Then i wonder, maybe this is the way i am constructed.

But i also want to be able to say the right things, come up with and implements ideas that work, experience and experience positive emotions, say affirmative truths and work with sound logic.
i find my positive side to be highly underdeveloped than my penchant for negativity(rather my ability to handle and live with it so well).

That would make things a lot better i think.


Greater Freedom

I find this to be a very important question to my life

Is getting what one wants a greater freedom or freedom from want a greater freedom.

I believe that freedom from want is greater, but i find that society think quite otherwise.



This blog is failing to republish after i deleted a post. So i'll try and put this dummy just for te sake of republishing it.


The Worst

This is the worst, absolute worst i've felt in the last 3 years. Its the absolute worst possible.
Total Entropy is what i am right now.

A contradiction of desires, callousness and idiocy is what i am right now.

I don't know the way out. I don't have the answers.

Can anyone help. i have nothing left inside me, i am hollow.


Is rejecting non sense enough

I was posed the question today as a part of the event Mr. and Miss Intellect - "Would you mind if your wife earned than you?"
The answer i gave was that such ideas are socially prevalent notions which were just pure non sense and i do not subscribe to them.

What i missed in my opinion was the most important thing. And that was the role love would play in this. The love should be strong enough that such trivia never arises. and such love would require a whole lot more than just emotinal attachment. it clearly needs the melting of the self.

the same holds for most ideas that are propagated in society. the complete answer is not critical intellection alone. critical intellection would lead to complete isolation from the way society functions and the values it defines. we have to go one step further. reject the non sense(e.g. the attitude that one should be more socially important than ones wife) and live the greatest positive feeling(love).


Some stuff to feel good about


taking a tip from Vipul i decided to make notes of some good stuff that i manage to do during the course of the day.

Today, the best things i could say i did were:

1. Managed the material required from my side and managed all things i was required to do in my position as the software secy.
2. Managed to retain my focus and win all TT games against equally good oponents.

nothing major but it helps to build confidence


This is It

Well, i get the 'this is it' feeling.

The conversation with Vipul brought up a need to examine my giuding principles and motives in full earnest. and also a need to examine what i need to change and what to keep.

My actions seem to indicate that i am working for a life of least discomfort more than anything else.
It is fair to say that i am dissatisfied with certain aspects of my current life.

Things i'd like to retain from my Current Ethic:

1. 0 Psychological Dependence on Others.
2. The ability to discriminate between things that matter and socially conditioned realities, i.e. the ability to see what is important than what society deems to be correct or desirable.
3. The emotional stability i currently enjoy, i.e. my emotional state is independent of what happens outside of me and mostly a function of what i do.
4. The ability to examine my own motives. Indeed, that is something i am able to do right now.
5. The no comparison approach. That i have managed to mostly shelve the competitive and comparitive thinking which are de facto in the world today.

Things i want in my life

1. Steadiness in pursuing an objective. Things which i know are correct and should be done. In the past i've tended to not even complete things i felt passionate about at points in time. I find that this is an important dimension i need to add to myself.
2. Fearlessness - I find that i need greater fearlessness and confidence in myself while doing the right things. Wish to totally end the 'chicken out' phenomenon.
3. Love - This is a missing point. This shall be required. The feeling of unity with someone that i haven't felt at all for a long time.
4. Greater Comprehension - I have shied away from the details of life uptil now. I wish to have greater, wider and more accurate comprehension of what happens around me. Explore various viewpoints and worldviews.


Notes on Conversation with Vipul

The main theme was :
1. Roles one plays in society and the best one can do with that
2. The direct impact others have on an individual
3. The direct impact an individual can have on others
4. Risk as a factor in developing a relation

I concluded that helping my sister out with her studies is a very positive step forward.And maybe there are risks that i must be willing to take:
Temporary things such as anger and resentment may need to be faced before i can really help my sister out
"In order to be able to take risks comfortably, you need a great foundation of goodwillYou can't take risks when the relation is very fragile"
"If today I criticize something about you, will that create a rift?""Moreover, we also trust each other's intentions"
"To become a real light to society, you need to be acutely aware of the badness in it the badness in others and their goodness despite their badness"
"But that insight isn't going to be of much use unless you do somethign with the insight"



I am very messed up to the point of hypocrisy, and what conflict does it create.

To desire certain things (material wealth or sex e.g.) and not desire them at the same time creates tremendous conflict inside.

Very important to see is the comparison to freedom of such a state of affairs.

Now, such a state contains is one of both attraction(desire) and aversion, and that is a far cry from freedom, which is about having neither.

So this hypocrisy has to, has to be resolved.


Disowning Oneself

While i watch other people grapple with their problems - careers, relationships, their own unruly heads and what not, i have my own.

I have disowned myself, so i don't face any of those problems as of now.
But disowning myself, that is one crazy problem to have.

Well, i don't think disowning oneself is bad. But incomplete disownership can be very dangerous.

I have rejected my identity with my desires, my dreams, my beliefs and my personality, albeit some of it has persisted.

A faint identity with logic and goodness stays, but for the most part i am as good as a walking corpse, a thinking, somewhat helpful zombie.

I can generalize every damn thing around me as empirical reality and send it packing like a dream, but really thats not true to me anymore. Emptiness is not very acceptable anymore. The thirst for life has arisen again.

The desires are drawing fuel from my environment. I wish to have it all and i know i can have it all.

I have a tremendous dissatisfaction now, from not having done justice to my talents, to the resources available to me, to the faith reposed in me, and from not having been found worthy of anyone [ read any lady's ] affection.

This seems crazy to me at an intellectual level, but this dissatisfaction is not peripheral anymore. I can't walk past it as not me anymore.

So what options do i have:

1.) Do i heap things around the ego, which is the natural course for everyone. Then i get enmeshed in the desires, judgements, joys [ yes..], people [he and she and they] and all that life. Most easy garb to wear will be the career garb - I am out to make a name for myself, then the whole life of struggle follows.

2.) Do i renounce all remanents of my personality, everything and maybe start working as a spiritualist, work with the R K Mission and work to just support my family. This is a possibilty.

3.) I could maybe try and balance the two. Which even though will look hypocritical as trying to have the best of both worlds, probably isn't.

How do i decide:

Things i must keep in mind

1) If i do live an active life in the world as a contributor and a consumer, i will have to gaurd against the dangerous effects of being conditioned by society. I will have to not only sharpen my judgement, but be strong enough not to be led off-principle by social involvement.

2) Even as i write, i can feel the strength of the desires being fuelled. I honestly think that it will take too great an effort to completely dam up these deisres, an effort that is beyond me.

3) A life in the world will entail a work first - contemplate later attitude for the most part. That will be a major shift for me.

will continue.......... [And this exercise is taking its toll. Its not fun. But i enjoy lookin at the neat stuff i produce]


What am I waiting for

I have my IM to complete and i won't linger on a second now.

Aim for tomorrow:

1. Complete the design document in all respects. All. All problems resolved.
Well within my skill level. The challenge is to devote the necessary time.
Database Design, Server Side Design in Complete Detail.

Will report what i am able to accomplish.

Some Thinking and Resolution

These are the questions of perennial trouble and utter confusion for me.

I've never had a clear idea about these.

A few thoughts going thru my mind

1.) At a personal level, pure dispassion is the best way i have ever lived . I lived in amazing clarity during those times when i was highly dispassionate.
2.) I do not see ego centered desires being satiated ever. They will lead to more and more desires.
3.) Despite my friend Vipul's continuous efforts to make me believe otherwise, i don't think passion is the correct manner to progress for me. It just isn't. Doesn't work. Doesn't click with my sensibilities either.
4.) I shall try and derive my motivation to do well from the things that i really posit faith in, and attaching oneself passionately to objects in the world is a certain no-no in that regard.
Proactively subjecting myself to the ideas of the great people i believe in will help me do this -
One of the most wonderful ones i saw was a quote from the buddha -
"Idleness is the way of the foolish. Diligence is the way of the wise". Will do a full analysis of this.
5.) I clearly recognize certain weaknesses in my personality which need to be attended to. I am very keen on developing qualities such as industry (in plain words, ablilty to slug it out), courage, self belief, diligence and long term vision.
6.) I'll try and interact with poeple as much as possible to fine tune my understanding of the world and to help them out with what i know.
7.) I understand that the aim i set myself is very tough, but it is indeed possible. It is stupid for me to accept goals set by other people / goals that simply aren't me enough.
8.) I have got somewhat of an existentialist attitude right now[using the term very loosely]. I feel that really i have to assert what i am and what i want.
9.) I have woken up to the fact that i have 40-50 years of my life still left to spend on something / someway. I have to make a choice as to what i wish to do with them. Even as each second ticks by, i have to make choices.

Now, a key thing is an action plan that crystallizes out of the thoughts. I have to decide how i spend my energies, resources, time and towards what end.

The immediate end i see for myself is the proper development of 2 things :

1.) Sense restraint - Development of this will certainly give me a confidence boost, tremendous confidence boost undeniably. I want this.
2.) Industry and Commitment - I have never had these 2 qualities in me. They are essential to give me the necessary confidence to move higher.

More Concretely :

Commitment to What?

Very Easy to Determine

1.) At the professional level, knowledge and skill counts. Thats what i am committed to developing. And a long term vision too.
very specifically : I m committed to a expansion of knowledge this sem.
undertaking of meaningful projects to apply my knowledge.
doin my GRE prep very well.
With this i get in a position to even help other ppl out on the technical front.

2.) I wish to exorcise the ghosts of procrastination ASAP with a commitment to putting in atleast 4 hrs of productive activity a day with clear aims.

I have a purpose now, and the purpose is correct, healthy living and attaining to the ideals which are possible and not quixotic.


Visit to the studio

Finally i write about something concrete. Its a new thing to do.

Yesterday was fun at the studio. I had a well marked agenda for the editing to be done to our song. On the way my mind was full of doubt (and not possibilties, why o why???).

Reached there at 8:30 pm. had a casual chat with vibhor and arvind about the electrical diffculties being faced in the studio.

Got down to the editing. Vibhor and Arvind(VnA) had sequenced the keyboard parts for me based on what i had played and all the difficulties with the timing of notes at the crescendo of the song were sorted out.

The song sounded good, real good. The major diffuculties were now correcting the volume leves, fade outs and fade ins of various tracks.

Took time and patience but was able to make major improvements to the song. Was satisfied. Now have to plan further work.

As a bonus, i got to play Vibhor's Yamaha Piano for half an hour before leaving at 1:30 in am.
[The Piano is the only material thing of intrinsic value to me]. Absolutely loved that too.


Death and Life are both perfect

Death is characterized by the end of desire, the end of life, the end of movement of thought and body, whereas life is about dreams, desires, actions and corrensponding thought. i shall talk about the mental aspects and not the physical ones.

It takes the highest wisdom to realize that both are equal consituents of reality, and one cannot exist without the other. Without death, there cannot be life, because it is only when some of our dreams truly die - by either fulfilment or non-fulfilment can newer ones take seed.

Till we cling to dreams that have not been fulfilled, we will never become alive to the possibilities of more, further, even better life. So to learn to really and completely die to things that are not fulfilled is required in order to live well and to give our best to things that are possible.

The insight comes from my tremendous failures in both my professional and my romantic life which had become albatrosses around my neck. I can't say i am truly free of them completely, but dying to these, completely accepting them is the way i can progress onto greater domains, greater possibilities.

Results of Expecting Nothing

The doctrines of spirituality apart, i think what negative thinking does to us as functioning individuals is this.

I had developed some of these attitudes, some of them inadvertently :

1. People are essentially selfish and incapable of giving / reciprocating love. Not really true , is it. People may not be perfect, but they are certainly capable of giving love. Some more, some less, but the ability is there. What else can keep the world going?

2. Personality is a 'bad' phenomenon. documented that in last post.

3. A scorn for pleasure. i don't think life would be possible without pleasure, would it.


Today i had something of an AHA moment today.

Figured out that i was manifesting all the things i fear most.

From the past i know that intense self consciousness ( ego - consciousness to be exact) is one of the most miserable and paralyzing states a human being can be in.

And i figured out that currently i am living primarily in my ego anyway, despite trying not to do so.

Egoism is my memories / prejudices / opinions / desires / frustrations / achievements etc etc.

At best i had managed to suppress the ego phenomenon, and as such this carries no moral value it seems.

With the suppression, i am managing to do nothin and making myself pretty miserable anyways.

Won't suppress, will be open and fully understand what is happening.



As i look back at the last few days, i seem to have discovered something new, that is the power of conscious willing.

It seems that willing is something really very much required in my life.

The will to be clear and consistent in action is really very important.

I wish to be able to lead of life of greater clarity and action, and i think willing will play a major role in that.

i find that willing takes tremendous reserves of mental energy. however, visualisation of the best possible result makes it possible for us to continue to pour in efforts.

a case in point is weight loss.


Outpour of thought 1 [Edited]

this is what i am nowadays, what i am means the various states i alternate in.

1. mostly dull / indifferent / insensitive

2.when i do think, i try to think positive and do my stuff well. managing and progressing on that front. state of conscious and very labouring willing.
topped last sem - result gave me no joy.

3. once in a while( a month maybe) , feel an intense pang for a romatic affair. most confused on that front. very messed up ideas.

4. sometimes return to my peaceful(not sleepy) state, where all the mental clutter dries up and i am really happy. fully aware of the psychological process. in such a condition, writing blogs such as this seems to be nothing but an aggrevation of the clutter of the mind. a whole different set of principles operates then.

what i think consciously, am aware of:

a) i am lacking a certain amount of confidence in my dealings towards the world. not willing to risk, know fear is there and being genrated quite a bit.
b) am slowly getting filled by poison due to (2. and a).
c) will achieve success(seeds hv been sown and they will bear fruit). i know i will. [just need to clarify success now]
d) my mental state has certainly deteriorated. vis a vis 2 yrs ago.
e) also know the creative capacity of our minds. what we think shapes our reality. not puttin this fact to good use yet.
f) my ability to stand by my own decision has been upped.
g) the whole participation in the world is a strengthening process.
h) I find that i am unable to gather momentum / get on a roll as other ppl can. that means that i don't get hooked to any activities, nor do i feel boredome. no motivation to repeat pleasurable experiences
i) One habit, which i can't state here is a little out of hand and draining vitality.

Other points of interest:

1.) The thing that motivates me most is total clarity. envisioning myself as having become very clear, correct and striding confidently in the world gives me motivation.

2.) I think i haven't hurt anyone in the last 2 yrs / have done nothin really incorrect. wud like to keep it that way.

3.) I think i am doing most things correctly.

4.) a life such as this is not very satisfying, mainly due to lack of clarity.

as of now, feeling very zero and just hoping that some clarity might arise.


Thought and Feeling wrt Love

I found to my surprise, that thoughts and feelings ( intellect and emtions) act in a funny way with respect to one of the issues that matters most to me, i.e. love.

Sometimes, the feeling is one generated of sorrow from memory(longing but not getting) , but the intellect tells me to go ahead anyways.

Sometimes, i feel the intense need for companionship, and the intellect intervenes otherwise, telling me to be cautious and wise in whatever i do(i.e. not really investing emotion at all).

But emotions and thoughts are always at crossroads, and it really produces a mess in the mind which is highly undesirable and self defeating beyond doubt.

How to produce clarity in such a case.

I 'll examine :

Looking at the positive possibilities alone, i intellectually see that it is possible for me to have a very healthy, deep relationship with someone if i am willing to be the best i can be.
And i really feel that such is the way to go. And i feel the need anway, so that prepares me.

Really, i feel that it is best to look at only one kind of possibility at one time and be clear within myself.

Lookin at both simultaneously really messes me up.

Reasons to work

Thinking yday, i got an idea along the lines that work is best when thought, feeling and action are in one line.

When u think that your end is perfectly plausible and you feel the same and then you act towards it, results should be best.

I am looking for reasons :

1. Working on softwares keeps me in the habit of making them, exposes me to the challenges and problems generally faced
2. makes for greater prepared ness and feel of the work.
3. The end product would make me feel good and great.
4. Would give me much greater confidence in my ability shall i complete my job.

I would keep looking for reasons to keep doing my job well.


SJF and Round Robin on Humans

The dispatcher of the human mind is absolutely unconducive to Round Robin scheduling of activity.

One of the key principles here is that it is best to avoid multiplexing multiple tasks at one time.

The habit of completing one thing completely before moving on to the next is very important indeed.

i find that when i get into the multiplexing mode, i mess up half the tasks and leave lots of them incomplete.

So it is best to determine your job and not leave it till you complete the job

No need to do time slicing between jobs.


The Winning Ethic

I find that somewhere inside me, without having noticed it, i like that others should fail.

Now this is a classic case of the defeatist ethic.

If one can replace it by a genuine appreciation of people's efforts towards excellence, it would hold me in a better stead to approach excellence myself.

That would be the winning ethic.

To aim for the highest success myself and to rejoice in success, regardless of whether it come to me or someone else, as long as the bar is taken higher, better results are achieved is the way to go.

This attitude wud help me go far.

Experiment with goal setting

I’ve set myself the goal to reduce my weight to somewhere around 70 kg and in line with that, I’ve decided to get into the habit of 1 hr of exercise each day, which is right now playing basketball.

Have succeeded for the 2 days. Hope to keep it going for the whole month.

Long term aim is to develop will power and learn the ways of mobilizing energy.

The power of visualizing success is undeniable. It certainly helps in achieving ones aim.
have tried it a few times and it helps to tap in the reserves that we have.

The power of clarity is also there. once u r clear that u want to to do something, it becomes a whole lot easier.


Advaita and me

Undeniably, advaita currently means nothing more to me than a series of sensations the idea produces in this body.

true advaita would consist of a firm and total realization of the oneness and the 'bliss' alone cannot be it. it has to be complete and firm in thought, deed and action.

how can this be accomplished is a major question.

and the answer is now.

i remember having noticed 2day that the best indicator of character is common sense stuff that we do.
for me, to practice advaita in the day to day life would involve this :

1) simplification and minimization of thought.
2) control of objectfication inside the mind (too much thought and coloured thought is damaging)
3) even when thinking about ppl / things is necessary, think in terms of love / oneness / positivity
4) to do good as and when the opportunity arises. never refrain out of any kind of fear.
never hesitate when the opportunity to do good arises.
5) establish the correct habits to take care of the daily routine tasks so that no mental energy is frittered on that.
6) continually understand the various thoughts and
7) always produce positive energy, asserting the divine within. continuous assertion of the divine irrespective of the failure is necessary and it will kill laziness and fatigue.

EFT Works!!!

Vipul guided me through a good, enriching, enjoyable and morale boosting session of EFT therapy(not exactly) over IM a few minutes back.

EFT notes
1.) Note down all blocks to the statement:
"i am a light to this world."
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:05:23 PM): so we are agreed that you have strong writings on your walls, and you need to whitewash your walls

vn_cyber (6/28/2006 10:19:56 PM): Couple of things about affirmations
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 10:20:02 PM): State things in the positive
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 10:20:07 PM): Direct, first person
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 10:20:17 PM): Showing choice and control

vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:15:33 PM): so much aware of your skin you forget the heart underneath. wow that a new one. i gotta know where my heart is
Siddharth (6/28/2006 11:20:56 PM): why should i be dull and underperform

vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:26:04 PM): We said something like: "I am a light to this world"
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:26:09 PM): and you came up with lots of tail enders
namely i don't keep my word. dont follow wat i preach. i m so dull myself .too lazy 2 do gud. why do u say that, whats the motive? no energy 2 be a light. i am not good at handling situations in the world i hv unresolved fears. what the hell is this. why the hell is this.

vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:30:13 PM): Okay, now let's start removing your blocks
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:30:17 PM): pick on one of them
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:30:29 PM): "I don't put theory into practice"
Siddharth (6/28/2006 11:30:39 PM): yes
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:30:56 PM): Now hit your head with your knucles and say
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:31:18 PM): "Even though I don't put theory into practice, I love and value myself and believe I am a light unto this world"
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:31:27 PM): Get your head active

vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:35:24 PM): now hit your moustache and say "I used to feel like a sham and a fake, but I've always loved myself and I'll prove I am a light to this world"
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:42:03 PM): Its the systematic way of saying them and the kinesthetic stimulation you give to your mind and body by hitting yourself
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:42:17 PM): you're giving yourself that love of touch
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:42:35 PM): touch is something we hunger for

vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:44:38 PM): just make a list of creative statements, keep hitting your head and forehead and your lips and your collarbone
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:58:20 PM): which means that what is really needed is offline effort

vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:58:57 PM): when you feel down, you want to make that effort
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 11:59:30 PM): not to find me online or chance upon vivekananda or just drift around
vn_cyber (6/29/2006 12:00:42 AM): When you feel down, jot down your thoughts
vn_cyber (6/29/2006 12:00:46 AM): try this tapping business
vn_cyber (6/29/2006 12:06:09 AM): blog you life, your experiences, your frustrations
vn_cyber (6/29/2006 12:06:23 AM): your blogs can be a guiding light to others who face similar problems
vn_cyber (6/29/2006 12:16:42 AM): write what you feel
vn_cyber (6/29/2006 12:16:49 AM): write what you learn both in professional life

Key Points apart from EFT details:
1. I don't respond 2 his mails. not very gud. :)
2. To learn to get high on work - take this link : You and Your Research
3. Negative tendency kills me. Distracts me from the gud i can do

Siddharth (6/28/2006 10:18:37 PM): he negative trend has to be destroyed now
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 10:18:44 PM): double negative, dude
vn_cyber (6/28/2006 10:18:55 PM): the positive trend begins now

this is typical of what i mean
4. "Are You Ready For Success" - Sri Kumar Rao


The motive

have discovered what really fires me up.

Vivekanandas words spew fire.

probably the only man who can be referred to as unconditionally gud.

the joy of reading these words that harmonise the abstract and the concrete is unbelievable.
learn to practice now.


What a lyf of chasing

my life is one of chasing - marks / peace/ love. nethin u name.

name it and i find myself chasing, chasing, chasing, running, running.........

only in some moments duz one wake up to the fact that the true life is not one of chasing. the true life is of being oneself, understanding oneself and my relation with others.

a life of continuous desire is not the true life.

spontaneous desirelessness(very complicated word indeed) would be the end of it all.
this is highly concpetual and not directly known

as and when one is spontaneously desireless, not one cell of his body needs a thing. it is well nigh satiated in iteself. it is aware, alive, cognizant of every single fact but finds no need for satiation.

it needs no words either. the self knows the self. the sacred silence knows itself.

the silence alone exists. and it is the real.

the clinging to sensations is very deep indeed.

Mischief of our Minds

The mind is one mischevious thing.

Thinking one way one second and the other the next
(i don't know how it can mix up free sex and celibacy)

It is the responsibility of every man to find this mischief working inside him.

abstraction of the mind comes in handy here.

tremendous mischief there is, no wonder most ppl r unhappy.

tremendous contradiction there is.

desires of one kind and moral thought in the opposite direction

investigation shall continue


Attitude for Living (which works!!!)

I seem to have found a good attitude of living in this world

1) Develop a pro Action attitude ( Activity is good unless proven incorrect / deemed futile)
2) Care about doing the right stuff only and absolutely, absolutely nothin else (what others say / think / expect of u and all that bullshit).

This is a very difficult job and encompases the whole science of work.

a) It involves the ability to make correct choices and decisions, based on ones moral standards.
b) It involves tremendous understanding as we may act in ways that are harmful / detrimental to others and even psychologically detrimental to us without realizing it.

Will write more as i realize


Practice and Understanding

The thing missing from my habits right now is the ability to practice the right principles.

Practice and Understanding go hand in hand.

Without one, the other is most useless.

So, the major challenge is to start practicing the right principles.


Symptoms of a Calm, Creative state

The calm and creative state must involve a very balanced and correct use of the willing faculty.

Direction of the willing faculty towards objects of the world has to be carried out with the utmost care.

The senses remain silent in the creative state.

They can't be forced into silence, but constant discrimination between the nitya(substance) and the anitya(temporary) silences the senses.

The craving comes to end.


This is not it. This won't do.

A life of stagnation and idiocy is not acceptable.

One must keep the highest ideals, understand them fully, live boldly, live selflessly, live fearlessly, live peacefully, live truthfully, live with perfect sense restraint.

The essence of Karma Yoga is to go beyond selfishness, to go into the fine, to become one with the universal whole, with nature.

A good way is to steadily and excellently perform one's duties without any attachment to results.

Inquiry into the nature of Distraction

The major question is - what causes distraction/ wavering of the mind from discrimination?

An impure intellect, identified with sensations at some level keeps on wavering from the real.

It keeps on forgetting the principles of truth and keeps on moving into the world of objects, sensations, memories, judgements.

At the root is psychological time - the understanding of all mental beings of there being a yesterday where one was, today where one is and tomorrow where one will be.

The field of becoming is alive. Efforts are made to produce desired states. Resolutions are made to produce desired states.

What man forgets is that all states are temporary. They cannot produce lasting peace.
They do not have meaning. They are transient. Achievement of such states produces temporary rest in the mind. But not much more.

Owing to such mental conditions, distraction from the real is gauranteed.


Industry is the one quality which i find completely missing in my endeavours.

Industry is the wilingness to work hard for as long as is required for the job to be done well.

The ability to plain grind through details, task after task till the goal is reached is the virtue of industry.

And this ability is an absolutely necessity for success.

One thing at a time

The key to success lies in doing one thing at a time.

This way, you retain full awareness of what you do at that given instant of time. Insight and Understanding are only possible when you are completely focussed at the task at hand.

With practice, such a habit makes life and work very smooth and effortless to carry out.

And how to keep your mind on one thing at a time?

By cultivating a desire to do things really well, with very high quality.
By understanding the importance of doing things really well.
And most importantly, by practicing doing one thing at a time.


Focus as a reliever of misery

It just occured to me that focus could indeed be a powerful reliever of misery and psychological suffering.
Let us conduct this experiment.
Try to focus on some relevant pursuit and see if it improves my mental state.

The Rediscovery of Silence

Reading J Krishnamurti's words, one feels that time has ended. the sensation and desire cycle is brought to a close.

The true silence, of perfect mental clarity and lightness has been rediscovered.


An excellent link for Balancing yoga and life


Self enquiry alters consciousness

The constant enquiry into the nature of the subject, that is the experiencer, at all times leads to an alteration in consciousness.

The enquiry is genuine meditation on the relation of the subject to the external world, to the objects and to the experience that he has.

If it sufficiently strong, the person's response to memory changes, his experience of personal time changes(the today and tomorrow becoming irrelevant anymore).

The identification with the desires, judgements and all accumulated experience of the earlier conscious loosens.

I can't say if he has found a more true reality, but it certainly is one of greater calm, peace and self obervation.
It also is one of great silence.

How introversion is a weakness for most introverts.

I don't know how many people identify with this.
I think that for most introverts, their introversion is not an asset to them.

But i think we should examine why is this the case.

Many of the introverts are shy people, with definite problems dealing with the challenges presented by the outside world.
However, their desires are as or maybe even more intense than other people.
They are also likely very self-conscious, as i self confessedly am.
So their exists a constant self-judgemental pattern which is not conducive for proper functioning, happiness or for higher spiritual growth.

Most likely memory plays a fairly negative role in their actions.
The primary cause is the self judgemental tendency.
A censorship always exists in thoughts, and self image in indeed very strong.

The self image and the reservoir of feeling is likely never expressed.

So in the following ways, introversion proves to be a curse rather than a blessing for many of the introverts.

Examples of conditioned response

Just imagine the irritation felt due to an unpleasant sound.
Or the instant reaction looking at a beautiful girl.
Or the greed that of certainity manifests when an easy money oppurtunity is heard of.
Then there is the anguish and frustration at an unfulfilled desire.

This and a thousand other things are absolutely normal and considered natural for people.
But i seriously doubt if they add to the quality of our lives/ our experience.

So what option are we left with. Should we blindly accept such a state of affairs and continue to live a life which is nothing but a spate of reactions. Or should we detest such a life.
I think we must try and do something about the present state of affairs.

We'll try and find examples of more subtle conditioning next time.


How do i beat Laziness?

Tamas is the state of dullness and inertia.

It means an inablilty to break out of exisintg habit.
In the worst form, it means conscious identification with things that are clearly unjustified and unreasonable.
e.g. My (a very lazy man) clinging to laziness to the extent that sometimes i find the prospect of work revolting.

I clearly know that not working is unsustainable. I clearly know that work adds quality to the lives of other people(i can't figure out how). But no work gives me joy.

Maybe i need to take responsibilty for it.

Getting aware of the stupidity of laziness is good but does not solve the problem.

I need to find a way out of this stupid habit.

The determination of values

These values have been thought of as suitable for application to everyday life :

a) Excellence.
b) Sense restraint.
c) Maintenence of Solid Comprehension under any kind of pressure.
d) Egoless pursuit.

For these values,

Planning and Execution have to be understood.
Karma Yog must be practiced.
Sense restraint must be practiced without wavering.

Proactivity Is the KEY

It is becoming more and more clear to me that passive living is not good enough.

It is simply not sustainable or productive of happiness.

Proactivity is the key to the next step in living.

Deciding what to do and what makes sense with urgency and purpose.

What prompted this thought is the discussion i had today with my uncle.

It is clear that either you make your own choices or the world does it for you.

The spine to carry things through inspite of odd circumstances is of utmost importance as well.

Living at the level of cause

This is an idea taken from Walter Russell.

The gist is that a successful, healthy and correct life is lived at the level of cause.

The fundamental mistake we make is that we identify with effects, that is results.
Whether be it the result of an exam or the money we receive or any of our multifarous desires,
we live completely identified with effects, we re emotionally bound to them.

Enlightened living involves proactive removal of identification with effects, which are compounds.

This is verily the philospohy of karma Yoga put into other words.

Karma Yoga says that one must perform action without expectation of reward.

The intellegent man should therefore live at the level of cause. That would entail comprehending causes of all external and internal phenomena. It would also require us to act at a totally causal level, that is totally removed from the effects.

This would require a very fine understanding of all mental phenomena as well as the ability to not identify with them.

Such understanding will remove all our misery which stems from not what we do, but from what we expect.
What we do is actually our potential, our power. but what we expect is actually a bondage that stops us from getting as high as we should.

Simplicity and Innocence

I cna't help but think that all of our running after ability, excellence, truth or whatever we like is just totally vain.
Simplicity and Innocence are higher things than these, it seems.
And they are proboably the most difficult to retain. They can't be attained to.

The true beauty and joy of activity(whether work or play) can only be realized in innocence and with a simple approach.

Planning, Executing and the desire for results could actually take us away further from the real substance that is the joy, the spontaneity, the creativity which is not present when we strive.

Negative Prudence

It is a great challenge to do good work.
It is an equally great challenge to figure out what is unnecessary and paying no heed to that.

That is what we mean by negative prudence.
The art of figuring out what can't or doesn't work.
What isn't necessary.
What doesn't really add to the quality of life.

Carried to the extreme the idea leads to nihilism, as in that mode of thought no phenomena are thought to be of any use.
However, the idea may have applications even in modern everyday life.

A very great application of negative prudence could be curtailment of anger.
Thinking on this theme, it appears that if we clearly see that our anger does no-one any good at any time we see that justification of our anger even in the heat of the moment is totally unreasonable. With practice, we could eliminate such an unnecessary behaviour that reduces our effectiveness and burns our nerves.